Friday, March 20, 2009

Wacca Wacca!

I think I have a pretty good sense of humor. I know what's funny and what's not. I frequently say stuff that makes people laugh loudly. Unfortunately, when this happens I'm not usually trying to be funny.

I also have a very good memory. Maybe not quite as good as it was 10 years ago, but by most standards, still above average ... where was I? ... oh yeah.

These two facts should lead you to believe I have a good memory for humor. For jokes.

I don't. In the +/- half century I have been around, my calculations have determined that I have likely heard at least 2,000 jokes. Several of them multiple times. Some as recent as last week. And yet I could not tell you a single joke right now, if my life depended on it.

Well, that's not exactly true. I remember one knock knock jokes from grade school. It dealt with bananas and oranges. I also remember the first dirty joke I ever heard. I thought it was hysterical and weeks after first hearing it I would still crack up every time it flashed in head. Are you ready? Here is the first dirty joke I ever heard and the only one I remember:

A little boy fell in a mud puddle.

Pause. I have no idea ...

Moving on. While I do not have a single joke stored in my brain, except for the two aforementioned doozies, my memory chips do have access to exactly four punchlines. I have long since forgotten the point of each. But like my first dirty joke, each of these four punch lines periodically bubble up to the top of my frontal lobe, or whatever part of your brain stores your sense of humor, and when they do, I find them as hysterically funny now as I did the first time I heard them. That is, the time when I actually heard the joke that made the punchline funny.

It is probably a good thing that I don't actually remember the jokes. I know one of them was truly 'off color', as my mother would say. And one of them would be terribly politically incorrect in today's climate. In fact I remember just enough about that joke to realize that if I knew it, I would never tell it. But without the joke, the punchline is inoffensive.

Anyway, these four punchlines tickle my funny bone every time I hear them. In these tough times I thought the world might appreciate a little levity. So I decided to share these with the world and hope the bring the same smile to your face and same spring in your step as they do for me. Here they are, in no particular order.

1. That's a long way to tip a rarey.
2. For a nickle I will, I will, I will.
3. You can't fuck so you might as well mow the lawn.
4. Frayed Knot.

Are you laughing hysterically yet? I am. I actually had to stop typing for a few minutes to compose myself. These are real comedy gems!

By the way, if any of these sound familiar and you would like to apprise me of the jokes themselves, I would be eternally grateful. I won't remember them ten minutes after you tell me. But I will still be grateful.

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