Saturday, May 9, 2009

An Abbreviated and Partial Listing


I will not:
  • Join AARP.
  • Join any women's organization that has anything to do with 'Red Hats'.
  • Frequent the website WOWoWOW.
  • Stop Using Profanities.
  • Stop listening to new music and new artists.
  • Ever even think about moving to a Retirement Community.
  • Go to the Dr. more frequently than I get my hair cut and colored.
  • Talk about going to the Dr. with as much excitement as I talk about a vacation, a wonderful book or a great movie.
  • Discuss my medication, high blood pressure, cholesterol level or any other chronic condition I might develop in the future.
  • Stop showing cleavage when the occasion calls for it.
  • Buy any clothing from Quacker Factory or other labels of its ilk.
  • Wear holiday themed clothing - no sweatshirts with pumpkins and witches, no sweaters with Santa and a Christmas Tree.
  • Stop making love, having sex or just plain fucking.
  • Ever apologize for anything I did in my past or be embarassed of the laws I broke.
  • Stop pointing out injustices or jack-asses to preserve my personal comfort.
  • Start tolerating stupidity.
  • Stop being curious.
  • Stop learning new things.

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